I was rather horny a few years back, wanting to do nothing more than Tinderize my life and meet some locals who wanted to hook up, no questions asked, no weird strings attached, and no commitment issues. I just wanted some good old fun, minus the STDS. So I download a bunch of hook up apps to see what the world had in store for me. My wife of 25 years had just left me, (granted, I helped her come to the decision that she had to leave, heck I even pushed her) so I wanted nothing but fun encounters with sexy women. I would’ve considered dating ugly women too, as I was desperate to start a new life. My kids were old now, as one of them was in college and the younger one lived with his mom, so all I had to take care of now was my business, my home, my Rottweiler and my sex life. I hit up one woman online and I tell her she’s smoking hot. My new approach in life is to be more direct and honest given how I was completely shady and lied to my ex about so many things, among them, that I was bisexual and enjoyed many, many fetishes which she didn’t care much for. Being the good Christian churchgoing, pearl-wearing lady that she was, when she heard I was into BDSM and golden showers and had ordered a sex swing on Amazon and wanted to install it in our spare room, she nearly died of a heart attack. She clutched her pearls in disbelief, packed all her vanilla and cream-colored church suits in one bag, and took all her rosaries with her and left me with my youngest boy. He’s doomed. He knows nothing more than school, the church, and all his little Mormon friends and their cult-like activities. But back to my new single life. This sexy 40 year old brunette tells me she’s not used to strangers hitting her up online like that but she’s willing to make an exception if I come up with a plan that interests her. She tells me to check out her profile and find “clues” as to what we could potentially do on a date that’d wow her. I thought that was pretty ballsy and a daring move on her part so I was in. She was into so much crap it took me days to figure out I had to take her to a stand up show and later on, ice skating at a nearby rink for her to show me her moves as she was a die hard skating fan. She loved some Kenny G so I decided the most comfortable scenario for her would be to cook something at her place while blasting some tunes. She agrees, but first she says we have to meet at a café to talk for a while and see if there’s chemistry. She’s as saucy as I am but you can tell she’s on the lookout too.